A relationship involves the interaction of two persons. It’s usually an emotional engagement, hence, more often than not people don’t always exert sufficient control of their conducts while in a relationship. Humans as social being are most irrational, it therefore becomes an almost impossibility to fathom what everyone is up to next all the time to forearm oneself against the contingent. However, by taking charge of ones own self one can control the effect of another’s behaviour on oneself. One very important question you may like to answer is, why is it that you never get hurt until you find out that your partner is cheating on you? People often claim that the hurt from heartbreak is natural and something you can’t help experiencing. What is natural and normal is feeling bad and disappointed, but being devastated and almost dead is as a matter of your contribution. Other similar articles may read that when you are heartbroken, you try to socialize, hangout with friends, read some category of books, avoids some others at that point, watch some category of movies and avoid others at that point in time and all that. Though helpful as they might, I regard them as medicine after death. The best management of heartbreak comes from a good management of yourself while in the relationship. As long as you are realistic enough to realize that heartbreak is a probability in every relationship, keep an open mind!
Encyclopedia Britannica Dictionary of English defines heartbreak as crushing grief, anguish, or distress. Heartbreak is the ultimate result of failure of expectation. In a romantic relationship, heartbreak arises in several ways often due to disappointment on the part of one partner. Say, from cheating, breaking up, lies and deceit, and all manner of unusual conducts. Generally, people in a relationship regard that cheating gets to an intolerable extent when a partner sleeps with a third party or is having an affair with another person. If the other person gets to find out, the person is heartbroken and hurt. One conventional reaction is usually to quit the relationship. This article is about how you can manage heartbreak and bear the effect of such circumstance. It all starts from taking charge of yourself.
- HOW DO YOU VIEW YOUR PARTNER? Most people in love tend to view their partner, conclusively, as infallible. This is a grave error because no one is infallible. This mindset is built on trusting. While in a relationship, in fact as long as you are dealing with another human being you must trust sparingly. When you fail to trust sparingly you are dignifying such person beyond human, and as long as your partner is not beyond a human being, it means you are probably being unreasonable.
NOTE: Trust is a vital element in a relationship, a relationship where there is no trust; nothing goes on smoothly between the two parties. So, you must have a great degree of trust in your partner.
CAUTION: What is advised is that you do not assume absolutely that your partner cannot change.
- HOW DO YOU TAKE THE LITTLE SIGNS YOU GET? Being critical is an attribute of a reasonable person. There is a particular way you know your partner to behave all along, when you notice a peculiar change, do you also assume its normal? It is true that human beings are bags of surprises. One thing you must do when you enter a relationship is to study and learn your partner, you may never be able to tell every of his/her next moves but most times, you are close to. Knowing ‘The KIND of a Person’ your partner is is this technique. Note that it is not all the time you get your predictions wrong that he has changed. This is where most people in love get it wrongly. Interview with a number of people has shown that most times when your partner always has explanations for everything, not everything is true. The point is that when you begin to get some questionable attitudes, rather than ignore them, do question them. Not by questioning your partner over what you are not sure of, it is meant that you should satisfy your curiosity on your own if you can, before you bring it to the table.
NOTE: Not every unusual act raises suspicion or doubt. Give your partner the trust and belief he or she deserves, but be sure to know when an unusual act becomes so overtly glaring. The essence is so that such thing as heartbreak will not take you by total surprise. It is a potent secret of managing any eventuality.
- HOW DO YOU REACT TO HEARTBREAK? As stated earlier, being devastated as a result of heartbreak is as much your contribution as it is the fault of your partner. What you do when you find out that your partner is cheating on you matters a lot. What a greater percentage of people would do under such circumstance would be to spontaneously withdraw or quit the relationship. This is the act by which most people hurt themselves even greater. The truth is that your partner is a person you have had a long emotional attachment with, one that has built itself over time, to severe it in that manner is like cutting yourself into two bleeding parts. The best take for you is to gradually work your way backwards until you can pull out painlessly. By doing this, you achieve two things, first, you hurt yourself less, and then you are able to turn the table around.
Learning the art of shielding your emotions is a potent weapon to fight back at those who hurt you.
IMAGINE: You see several signs that point to the fact that your partner is cheating on you, each time you try to find out, he/she denies it with comments that make you feel betraying, something like ‘you don’t even trust me…’ ‘so that’s how you see me…’ and all that, so that you find yourself defending or explaining your curiosity. Then, one day you have the time to go through his/her phone or chance upon some materials that confirm your suspicion as right. You summon him/her and confront him/her with your undeniable evidence. He/she now accepts that he/she has been cheating on you. You equally gets to find out that he/she has been cheating on you for over a year and has been sleeping with about three different people together with you. What would be your reaction?
I guess your reaction won’t be far from quitting the relationship immediately. What happens after you have done that is that you spend a lot of time alone grieving – hurting yourself the more. On the other hand, most likely, a person who has the heart to treat a faithful partner that way will not be affected by merely quitting the relationship. So, he/she goes happy and moving on with life while you go down and almost blacking out and dying. But, by concealing your emotions you can achieve more for yourself. The power to conceal your emotions comes from the ability to exercise the first two steps sufficiently.
Gradually withdrawing is about gradually changing the views you hold about your partner, changing the things you do, the things you say and a whole lot of changes until you can painlessly change the title of your relationship. All the while, the guilt will be the cheater, who would be trying with everything within his/her disposal to appease you, and regain your trust. He/she would unbeknownstly fall back into the relationship while you are severing yourself and by the time you pull out completely, it would be a shocker to your partner. Probably, such a person will never be so deeply hurt, so don’t worry about hurting at this point, it’s about helping yourself.
Article by Jay Ayomide.